"...it was good enough for the day and I was happy."
These past few years I have dealt with several injuries that have kept me from doing what I love, at a level far below my expectations. Swimming, biking, running, at any distance, is a struggle and a feat. So when I was able to race a sprint tri this summer, I was so happy. I was happy to see my great friend from Tallahassee, I was happy to hang with my extraordinary Tri Sirena pal Sarah, I was happy to be with my Triple Crown Racing teammates, and I was happy to hang with new triathlete friends. I had not swam more than 500 yards in over six months due to a shoulder injury, so when I ran into the river and swam, only stopping once to get my bearings, I was happy to have finished the swim and run up on the beach hearing “go Renee” from a friend.
I did not bike as fast as I had hoped, as I hadn’t been on the bike since my century ride several months earlier, but it was good enough for the day and I was happy.
"Then I looked at the results. I was crushed."
My goal for the run was to not walk. Dealing with plantar fasciitis in one heel made for a painful run and a worse walk. So, when I ran all of the 3.1 miles and came across the finish line "running," I was happy. I was happy that I gave my race all that I had and I felt good.
Then I looked at the results. I was crushed. I let my demons tell me I wasn’t good enough. I was second to last in my age group. I may have been last out of the water, my bike time was slow, but my run was well over my normal 5k pace. I let myself feel totally dejected. I started to tell myself "if only," "you should have," "why didn’t you," and I remained sullen for the rest of the day. I let the results tell me I wasn’t good enough when I knew that I did the best I could on that particular day. It took me the weekend to fight this demon within and to win over these feelings of inadequacy.
"So, I will keep racing and I will keep fighting the demon within, but I will win because I am good enough."
See, I was, and I am, good enough at any speed. I accomplished the goal I set for myself and that’s a win. I am not a podium person and I will not receive extrinsic rewards to show that I was fast enough. But, I am fast enough. I am fast enough for me. I am good enough to keep fighting the fight, to keep racing the race, and to keep feeling the joy of this sport.
So, I will keep racing and I will keep fighting the demon within, but I will win because I am good enough. And good enough for me and that’s all that matters.
Written By: Renee Vos Edwards, Tri Sirena Siren Luminary
Follow Renee on Instagram @reneealys
How do you deal with that nagging voice that tells you you're not good enough? Let us know in the comments below!